The truth about grad students, post-docs and professors
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
Advice for Researchers
1.Stare out a window frequently; it inspires thoughtfulness among others.
2.Doze only when looking through a microscope; no one will know.
3.Lend only dry pens to those who ask to borrow one; eventually, they will leave you alone altogether.
4.Fungal colonies in coffee cups DO constitute science experiments.
5.Be nice to experimental animals; nobody has been able to disprove reincarnation.
6.Smile a lot; it makes others nervous.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is a great deal of difference.
Law of invisible phenomena: The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Rule of accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer
Law of libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.